


The Devil In Your Shoe

by EnidZsasz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Priest AU, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Satanism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnidZsasz/pseuds/EnidZsasz
Summary: Ben Solo is part of First Order Megachurch. An evangelical wing of Christianity. Usually his job is more mundane then sitting on stage preaching. He's an organizer, making sure every Sunday the various food outlets, souvenir shops, and others all open correctly on Sunday all in time for mass of over ten thousand people. Ben's bosses, Snoke and Anakin put him as social media master after the previous one was busted for soliciting nudes. Its here, he meets with the local chapter of the Satanic Temple, and their social media on every front his church is on. Like a Devil, this person behind their media wont ever get off his back.





	1. Chapter 1

The entire thing was a mess, an absolute mess. But he was good at organizing even the messiest things which is probably why he was put in charge of all the social media instead of the younger (and much more 'hip' as Snoke would say) Mitaka. He went through pages and pages of posts doing mindless click work as he deleted anything that didn't pertain to the church and its reaching out. Hux, the last one to to manage it had been caught using social media to solicit nude pictures of women. One of which was sixteen, the church dropped him faster then they dropped anything else. So now among his schedule he had to make posts and various times to post on social media. In about three different places, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. He left an apology, and explanation of what happened on each page, then sighed. He spent an embarrassing amount of time researching 'memes' as a thirty year old man he really never used any media before. He had Mitaka on his phone and messaged him often about just what, Lord Help Him these kids meme'd about these days. God he felt ancient when he had to ask him these things. 

Sighing again, he set media tabs aside and started to work on organization for sunday. One of the rock groups had its singer come down with measles, nearly getting everyone in that group sick. They were looking for a temp singer, but he had to make sure that entertainment was up to par. He set a few messages to his father, he had a band never popular called the Chewies. He and his friends had been playing a lot more recently as with the boom of what Mitaka said was 'stupid hipster' culture. Hopefully if the group couldn't find a replacement his father could fill in. That wasn't the only people he messaged, a tiny rock group of 'Angellic Solace' was around, and he had heard good things about them. Messaging their group on facebook blindly about the possible opening. As he was about to click off the page the person on that account messaged him back. 

"Oh I would LOVE to get my group to play there. But I think you didn't read our page. We're satanists. Sorry Pal." they said and his heart rate rose up a few notches. He put his hand to his face, right there on the page's about was the whole deal. He let out a groan, and sent a quick apology. "Its okay, lol." was the reply, and he clicked off the page trying not to slap himself for what he just did. THIS was why he didn't want to have control of social media, he would just screw it up. Hopefully nothing would happen with it... Ben scowled when his curiosity prompted him back, and a screenshot of the message was on the page with several emoji's of laughing faces. 

'Yes I am sorry, its been a long day for all of us here.' he commented as damage control. 'Thank you so much for telling me! I will look into whether or not I can get you in.' he messaged back. Kill them with kindness, that was what his mother always taught. What his grandmother always taught him. Snoke had been talking about doing a hellhouse this halloween, Ben quickly went through in his head for everything. 'Actually we are planning on doing a halloween event, would you like to do that?' 

"OH HELL YES. Sorry, but yes. Let me send you my managers information!" they replied, leaving him fairly sated at his damage control. Another sleepless hour, of starting the set up for the hellhouse event. He could have these people as the background set, of what happens to those 'rock and rollers' in hell. Plus it would be good publicity, showing that they weren't... as he heard it put online, a bunch of old guys with sticks up their asses. Finally done, at two am, he shut his computer off and quickly left the quiet and massive building. 

* * *

 

"YOU ARE HIRING A SATANIST GROUP?!" Snoke yelled at him. Ben's eye twitched. Snoke had a way of yelling that was both quiet, yet still scored into his mind. Ben frowned, and took a steadying breath. 

"For the halloween event." Ben defended flatly. "I already have it all started to be prepared." Snoke snorted going quiet for a long time.

"Very well, I will allow it." Snoke said finally. "But you will for the future send such things through mine or your grandfathers office from now on." Ben nodded again and slowly exited the office. Sighing in relief. The old man frightened him in a way that his grandfather could never make him scared. He had a way of dressing someone down with just a few jabs and Ben was in no way wanting to be in a angry fog for the rest of the day. With his grandfather in the hospital, whom he should be heading to visit now, Snoke was tightening his grip on the church. Ben wasn't even sure he LIKED that, but he wasn't in a place to argue. The two men had started the church together, and from as much Ben knew Anakin never named anyone heir to it other then Snoke. 

It had been three days, three days since he took control of the social media and already he felt like he should just quit. Leave the church, and go home looking for another job. Managing the events was easy compared to the intricacies of human interaction he had to deal with on a very nearly 24 basis. Even the age old 'kill them with kindness' never seemed to apply. Still dealing with the fallout of Hux's doings, he refrained from most posts other then announcements. People still commented on the posts with snide and hateful things about what HUX did, not him. He had to just copy and paste that 'This man has been let go, this is a new person in control' message to every comment that exclaimed he was the worst kind of sinner. At least now the entire debacle was finally dying down. 

Getting into his office he settled down and set his computer on, considering just what exactly he was going to do. He was required to post a psalm or message everyday and he had been very faithful in doing so and ignoring every comment made about it. The moment he could he got into the social media pages and blinked at his notifications. The main ones appeared to be from hundreds of people all commenting on various ones replying to 'him'. The twitter was called YFNS, Your Friendly Neighboorhood Satanists. He would blanch if he didn't just deal with Snoke. Now he just blinked tiredly at the screen. 

Quickly he made the daily posts, promoting the band, which had thankfully found a new singer. His father never replied, but that was nothing new. It was older then he was apparently. Within moments, he recieved a reply to 'his' twitter. FODC. First Order Disciples Of Chirst. Again he just blinked at the screen. 'Are Satanists are welcome to the churches broiler room to provide free heating?' the owner sniped at him. 

'I'm sorry, but we don't use broilers anymore, the churches facilities are all modernized' he replied thinking that was that. 

'So that is the only modern thing? #equalrights' Ben put his hand to his face and sighed ignoring the reply. It wasn't worth the rest of his mental fortitude. He had a meeting coming up with that 'satanist' band's manager. A knock prompted him to stand he cleared his throat and straightened himself trying to at least look like he was in utter control of himself. No matter how much Snoke unsettled him. 

"Come in!" The two men opened the door and blinked to him, just as he gaped at them. The dark man and the swarthy man were in full black, and one of them if there was any justice in the world have burst into flames the moment he crossed the threshold in the church. The swarthy man, had around maybe four eyebrow piercings, two on each brow, one nose piercing that ran through the top of his nose, and three earrings in each ear. He wore the most soulfully painful black clothes he could imagine on a person. Everything screamed 'I worship satan' he felt frozen staring at him. At least the OTHER man was subtle. Just black clothes and gauged ears with fat black pucks with the baphomet symbol on each one. 

"Hi I'm Poe, I'm the manager for Angellic Solace." Poe reached out and Ben supplied his hand blindly shaking it. "This is Finn, the head of the Band." Finn nodded to him and shook his hand as well. Ben sat down numbly, not wiping his hand off on his dark blue slacks with an unknown willpower.

"Are you serious, really serious about hiring US?" Finn asked him, settling down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Poe took the other, and Ben repressed the wince at the creak of the leather pants. Hoping at least in some sympathy or the heat, that they didn't normally dress like this. Ben took a breath to steady himself turning his business mind on. 

"Yes I am, we are holding a 'halloween' event called a hellhouse... we would like to have you represent..." Ben paused dropping off. He wasn't as... stringent as his grandfather in this manner. "THOSE type of rock stars are." Poe and Finn exchanged an amused look. "The ones who abuse their fame to hurt themselves and others." he explained quickly. The two nodded. 

"So what will be the thing like?" Poe asked him. "Give us the details." Poe made a gimmie motion with his hands. 

"The whole stage area is going to be turned into a quasi maze, where you are going to be the center playing live music." he explained. He had spent just light night hopefully finalizing the maze down in a simplified sketch, handing out two copies to the men. Finn whistled. 

"When they call this a megachurch they aint wrong." he said lightly handing back a copy. "What about effects?" Ben blinked. Poe grinned and began folding the paper down to fit into a pocket. 

"I haven't gotten that far just yet." Ben told them. 

"If we are gonna be rock stars in hell, how about puppet strings?" Finn told him. Poe made a noise. 

"OH OH! And bloody fingertips! Blood on the guitars, and we can paint eyes on our eye lids so that it looks like we can't sleep or get rest!" Ben smiled for the first in in what felt like days, and took out his notebook quickly writing it down. 

"Smoke for sure, we can bring out the old fog machine." Finn replied eagerly almost like the two forgot Ben existed. "Maybe Dress 'lil lilth' up as a demoness. She can be the one who is forcing us all to play for her!" 

"DO NOT! That would make her so happy." Poe chuckled and then blinked to Ben. "Oh, sorry," 

"Don't be, this is all really good. I've never organized a hell-house before." Ben told him. Poe grinned to him. 

"Want some help?" More then anything Ben would have agreed. But asking for a satanists help in making something that is made to strictly SCARE people to join the church... that was probably a bad idea. 

"I want to say yes." Ben told them. He was honest, that much he could cling to in his life. 

"I get it dude, we're not exactly the best consultants." Finn replied with a smile. Trust satanists to be more honest then most of the people in his life. 

"Hmm, well its to cliche to do all the sins, but with us there... hmm, why not make it rock of horrors? Theme it around the dangers of fame and what it can do to people. Like the lack of people willing to call people out?" Poe questioned. Ben blinked, and Poe made a expression that made Ben realize that that was more directed towards HUX rather then anything else. "That to be humble before Christ is the best thing?" That was a jab, but it missed the mark in Ben. He was just an employee. 

"I think that is a good idea, however, I think, we should center it around sins, but use public figures well known for that sin." Ben replied to them. "That way it is a comment on that as well." 

"Smartass." Poe replied quietly. 

"Hey its the guys thing, let him do what he likes." Finn defended. "So you are really going to hire us?" 

"Yes, I will. Believe me the irony of the situation is not lost on me." Ben replied easily. Poe chuckled at him, before getting into a fairly heated debate on how much they were going to be paid. Ben was fully willing to allow them as much lenience as possible on the matter. He did take a chance to listen to one song, that was more about comfort in dark times, (by the devil, but he could pretend it was of another angel) and it really did strike him as a good bad. Metal with a gospel twist, it was to put it frankly kinda nice. "So the stipulations, no swearing, and no songs that are of sexually explict nature, among other things." Ben told them. 

"AW man that is like half of our sets!" Finn complained, but with a smile. Ben nodded to him. "Wait.. you LISTENED to our music?" 

"I listen to a lot of things." Ben defended quickly. Finn and Poe exchanged a glance. "My father is Han Solo." he replied weakly. 

"FUCK ME IN THE ASS!" Poe almost screamed. 

"LANGUAGE!" Ben snapped back. 

"Sorry, but seriously. That guy is the real OG metal! Like one of the most unknown forerunners of the-" Ben tuned out the rest of Poe's speech. Having heard it from nearly anyone who recognized him. One of the few times his father spent time with him was when he did a short tour with the Chewies and even was on stage with him. At the time it was the happiest moment of his life. Now it was all tainted with bitter resentment, and knowledge that no matter what, his father didn't have a CHOICE in the matter. He didn't do it because he loved his son, he did it because him and his mother were going through a messy portion of their ever turbulent marriage. 

"I am aware of my fathers... deeds." Ben cut Poe off before he could spew out a detailed history of guitar riffs. "But yes, I can appreciate the music you make on a TECHNICAL level." 

"OH man, this is as close to god as I ever felt." Poe commented as Ben stood offering his hand as a more tale tale sign of 'please leave' then actually saying the words. "Sorry, that was offensive." Poe shook his hand, and Finn did as well both of them standing. 

"When Lil'litith said that this place offered to hire us I didn't believe her, now I'm down fifty bucks." Finn told him. "But that's cool, this is cool." 

"Thanks for allowing us to hire you." Ben told them with a nod. "We will get the entire thing locked down at least two weeks before halloween." 

"Sounds good!" Poe held up the horns sign as he waved goodbye with Finn. They respectfully closed the door behind them and Ben slumped into his chair and tried not to scream at the situation he had found himself in again. He could FEEL his hair graying by the second. 

* * *

When Ben went to train in the military, mostly to get away from his family, he would describe 'hell week' as just that. Hell. This however is not hell, this was something else. A week, a week of pure abject hell of the darkest circle. He prayed, PRAYED for Snoke to just take him of the social media and hand it to someone else. If anything it would make his life better. After some consulting with the younger man, Ben had decided to post 'memes' and those were awry. Mitaka told him to just block the satanists, but after a long rant by Snoke that left Ben feeling bloodless he couldn't. He couldn't block a single person, and that left him with so many problems that left him feeling like he aged twenty years. It wasn't just the replies, it was the constant reminder that HUX was at fault not him. At least the satanists had gotten that much, and even to his mingling of shock and respect defended him. 

From pictures of people crying holding their hands up with captions simply of 'when the priest speaks fire' which was turned into some kind of photo-shopped nightmare of people on fire, with the same caption by them. To them commenting on several people making snide comments about him being a pedophile and defending him, with their knowledge it was an entirely different person. Thankfully, now, most people seemed to have gotten that. Maybe now he could relax after he put up a queue of posts, mindlessly looking up meme's and making them himself with the hundreds of photographs in his computer about the church. Among his other duties of ensuring everything goes correctly for sunday. The last one went beautifully, and he had a event for public baptisms today. Despite Snoke's more... timid... rage of the matter he had asked a few of the ER people who were a part of the faith to standby just in case if anyone needed help. 

He wasn't going to have anyone have a seizure, or get other problems and be in more hot water. If only this was back during hellweek where his biggest problem was collapsing from exhaustion. Already he could almost FEEL the people lining up for them and since he was the one doing the dunking he gave a sigh. Taking off the thicker black coat he carefully rolled his sleeves up and frowned at himself. Black slacks, and not expensive shoes, a simple baby blue button down shirt. His watch he took off and settled down into his desk and sighed again. Preparing himself for the social interactions, he was the only so called 'licensed' life guard. Yet another job in his far to long life. He might have had ten or twenty during highscool, he wasn't sure. 

Ben made his way down to the main stage where Mitaka was quickly getting the water done in a temporary tank. Using hot water from a tap connected to the hose and waist high tank. With glass all around it to make it see through, a pump, a heater to make sure it wasn't Freezing, and a entire sanitizing cycle Ben tested the water, and grimaced. Just barely skin temperature, People we now being let in by the other aids, as he got his shoes and socks off as they lined up. With mostly children in tow in their hands and arms, the two ER nurses waited nearby chatting freely but quietly. The tub filled, he sighed again nodding to Mitaka. Ben wasn't here to be a preacher, he was just there to dunk people. 

"W-w-welcome." Mitaka said into a dead mic. Ben reached out as he stepped into the tepid water and turned it on. After a screech that left people laughing, the younger man continued gaining traction and less stuttering as he went on. Calling forth the first person, blindly another aid turned on some choir music from the control booth, as the person, a mother and her five year old slipped off her shoes and handed down the toddler as she got in herself.  The little boy frowned at Ben. 

"Sorry, its a little cold." he told the toddler, who eyed him with one of the most grave expressions he had seen on a child. The mother took him back, and after a quick dunk it was done. With the toddler giggling madly, they were handed out to three aids who had a entire stack of white towels with them. Each one free to the people, who were quickly ushered down to a few food vendors holding hot drinks and food. Ben had no such luxary as the others came through, each one child and adult, getting their dunking with what he felt was inappropriate growing fanfare. This was supposed to be solemn, and suppose to be your-Ben shook the thoughts out of his head. He told himself to get it done so he could relax. 

A young woman giddy and nearly dancing in place stepped up with the widest grin he'd ever seen on a person. She wore black clothes, which was the only sole thing that seemed to stand out about it. Kicking off black flats and holding her hand out to him he took it as he carefully guiding her into what was for him waist high water. The water to her was almost to the top of her breasts. She frowned a little as he put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you ready ma'am?" he asked. Just as a flood of black bubbles formed up from under various portions of her clothes. SHe started to scream, and as he gaped at her blindly, speak in tongues. 

"AH! IT BURNS!" she screamed. Then the others started to scream, causing a flood of people to exit and Ben sat frozen holding onto her. He wasn't exactly shocked, his fear went to what HE would be saying, and what HE would do to him. 

"THAT IS SICK!" One woman yelled to the girl in the tank with him. Mitaka quicker then Ben got everyone out as damage control, appologizing profusely. Ben scowled down at her as she smiled up to him. 

"Bathbombs?" he asked, and let her go, treading water as he stepped back from her. She laughed, and he got out, blindly holding his hand out to her as she waded out as well. He wasn't angry, anger was inside him at all. He felt blank terror, Snoke wasn't going to like this. The old man would be watching the whole thing from a box, one of the aids, with a pale expression approached him. "I know," He told the aid. "Ma'am if you will, please follow the aid to my office." She blinked to him and then the aid. 

"Am I being arrested?" she asked, playfully. 

"No ma'am, but please, we might be... banning you from the church. So we will ask you to sign a contract that forbids you from entering the premises." she blinked and finally stopped smiling. She actually looked, fearful for a moment before controlling herself. She took one of the towels and wrapped it around herself as she slipped her shoes back on. Ben walked away from the scene heading to Snoke's booth with a curl of pure dread forming inside of him. 

* * *

 When Ben was back into his office he felt numb. Flayed down to the bone with any weak protest he could have made. In fact it seemed like Snoke was amused by the trouble maker and that never boded well. 'Firey little thing' Snoke mummbled as the old man poured over who she was. A light laptop held up by a pale looking aid with a too bright red ties. ALL of his personal aids held red ties. Ben was grateful he had only a three day stint, just three days was enough. 

Whoever these were must be made of steel. Ben wasnt, and he'd rather not ever interact with Snoke ever again. 'You will do your best to convert her, ive already thought of sending you away boy. You do not belong here. This will prove your worth to me, and the lord.' Ben shivered. 

"Hey you okay?" Her voice spoke and he jumped only realizing now that she was still there. He expected her to have run, to have to contact her via social media. "Look I am really sorry please dont ban me." She did look a little contrite, but he had to think of just how exactly to go get this sort of thing done. He sighed. "Ummm, hey, you look like you got chewed out by the worlds worst boss, are you okay?" 

"Im fine." He bit. Then frowned at himself. "I am Ben, you are?" He stood extending his hand to her. She stood taking it in a shake. 

"Rey, just Rey." Ben nodded and sat back down. "Am I in that much trouble?" She asked softly. "The police? Am i being arrested?" She questioned quickly. 

"No, you are my guest." He told her. Waiting for a moment for the information to settle in her. "My... llboss has told me to not punish you. He wishes for me to speak to you." Ben swallowed. He was never good at this, he was horrible at it. 

"Oh thank the lord!" He scowled at her as she smirked relaxing into the other chair. She huddled the towel around her a little more and he briefly lameted the leather chair. "What are we talking about?" 

"Why did you ruin my baptism... event?" He paused just a second working down the lingering stress of Snoke. 

"I thought it would be funny!" She told him brightly. Shrugging iff the towel to expose the still drenched form. The clothes clung to her like a second skin and he focused at her face and lips. "In hindsight I didnt think it would be that bad." She admitted carefully. 

"It was a little funny." He replied only gracing her with a nod. 

"So Im free to go?" She asked and stood. Ben blanched a little. 

"Would you like to have a dinner with me?" He asked quickly as she stood. She blinked to him. 

"Why?" Confusion filled her features. Ben shifted in his seat. 

"My... boss wants me to... convert you." He admitted to her. 

"You...wait... you said that? You... holy... umm..." she paused looking away from him to think. He prayed for her to just leave in a huff. "Umm Ben?" He nodded. "Im part of a non relgious branch of Satanism." He frowned. He didnt know Snoke wasnt the type to disclose anything if he could help it. "Do i pay?" She asked him suddenly. 

"Yes? Oh, no." He replied. 

"Fuck yeah free food!" He glared to her. 

"Language please." He replied. She just smiled to him. 

"If its free then yes. I'll go." He felt a relief go through him very nearly making him shiver. "So long as I get to try to convert you back." Her words were playful as she smiled to him. 

"You... can try." He replied feeling to weak as the tight relief of her acceptance still ran into his limbs. He quickly set up a time, and he'd go to one of his favorite places. Writing it down on his personal card he held it out to her. "You can keep the towel." She was just about to settle it on the chair. 

"Thanks!" She stared at the card and then back to him. He felt his heart pick up and for once wished to have taken his mothers name in all things in his life. "Oh, your dad that lame band guy?" 

Ben stood and gaped at her. "My father is NOT lame!" He defended and blinked. She snorted. 

"Sure if you think not being able to play guitar even on crack isnt lame." He felt a flush come to his cheeks. He wanted more then anything to defend his father. But he wasnt even sure how, he felt like he should despise the man. 

"He... you dont like them?" His voice was quiet as she chuckled. 

"He..ck no. They are really overblown in the scene. People think they practically started metal." She rolled her eyes dramtically. Ben felt a smile on his face. "Well mert you here tonight?" She asked. 

"Yes. I.. will see you tonight." He replied she smiled to him as he left leaving him feeling warm shock. No one who knew his father called him lame, called him stupid. It felt wonderful, like a tight muscle in him relaxing finally. Someone else who thought this whole deal was as stupid as he thought it was. 


	2. Like a Drum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben go out to eat and learn a bit about each other.

Ben really hadn't expected her to show up, he blinked as he came off work and she was standing out there with her phone open and swiping like she was reading a book. He paused just looking at her, from her simple clothes from before she was now wearing a dress, and had a coat draped over her shoulder and held in her arm. He watched as she paced a little allowing him to take her in. In in a flared out dress, with black spiderweb stockings heavy black leather books, she was wearing Lolita fashion, the main dress was black with a blood red waist hem, it held gold writing he couldn't read, and two trails, a scarf was exactly constructed like a priests stole, including gold crosses on the ends, which were 'dipped' in black color that leached upwards in the red color. A pure black sort of corset was over a white flowing blouse that were her sleeves, they ended in gold trimming, along with all the hems. Her hair was corralled and done up in three buns going back along her head. She had a choker around her neck, with the same unknown writing in gold around it its pendant came down to the hollow of her throat. The jacket was a long type trough and around her arm as he slowly approached her. That jacket didn't exactly fit, it was mostly flesh colored. 

"Hello?" he called as he exited the building locking the doors behind him. She looked up at him putting her phone into a small black leather purse he didn't see, hidden by the jacket. She grinned to him, a pentacle pendant on the choker moving as she turned to him. 

"Hey there Priest man." she replied, and let the jacket, or what he had assumed was a jacket move throwing it over her shoulders with a smirk it was a cape, or a cope, with a golden thread frog closure. Ben frowned at it, it was a full on printed version of the virgin mary, but in Jesus's place was the Bahpomet. Its chest and waist thankfully covered by fabric preventing nudity from being shown around. "Like it?" He scowled at her. This was going to be a long night, and already a headache was forming in his head. 

"Ben Solo, I prefer Ben, or Mr. Solo. Not priest man. I am not a priest." he told her and tried not the let the cape bother him as he put his hand to his face. 

"I'll leave it in the car I promise." she told him, he blinked dropping his hand as she grinned to him. He swallowed nodding and motioning her out and away. "Bossman chew you out again?" She followed him to his car and actually whistled at it. He spent little money on his vehicles if he could help it. His car wasn't worth much and was twenty years old at the least, he was a bit lost on what it was, but it was a brownish metallic color with peeled and weathered paint with four dents, three on his side, and one on the passenger door. She put her hand to her face as he opened the door for her. 

"What? Its a car." he told her, she burst into a laugh.

"Its a screaming metal death trap!" she managed to say through giggles. "A ford pinto? jesus, you're lucky you are still alive!" Ben scowled at her. 

"I don't know cars, it runs." he told her, she slipped into the seat, snapping the seatbelt down as he shut the door and walked around to his seat. He paused just before getting in, the whole situation just hit him fully. He was taking what was a almost utterly unknown woman out to dinner, he was unknown to her, he could be a killer. A horrible person, and yet there she was, shifting in the seat so that the cope was pulled off pooling around her waist. 

"Something wrong Preistman Ben?" she taunted, he shook himself and slipped into the car. 

"Nothing, this is just strange." he told her. "And I told you I am not a priest." he glared to her. She rolled her eyes and smiled as he shifted in his seat. 

"You look like a gorilla on a tricycle." he sighed, and started the car. "Oh, and I have a taser in my purse, if that makes you more comfortable." He felt himself smile, as he pulled out of the parking lot, heading by the garish car that was Snoke's personal transport. The olderman was being ferried into it, and Rey craned her neck looking at it. Snoke owned a limo, with gold chrome paint, a custom licensee plate with the churches name on it. 

"That the bossman?" she asked, as they drove away from the limo. Ben made a 'yes' noise, stomach shifting a little. "Could he have a more expensive limo?" she mumbled and shook her head. 

"What... what do you mean?" he heard it was second hand, donated by a rich man in fact. 

"A custom rolls royce phantom? I know only the Royal Family has one of those." Ben blinked eyes focused on the road. "I wonder how much it cost. The one I know of cost almost Four Mill." His hands tightened on the wheel as he stopped at a light. "Everything okay? You are less chatty." 

"I... am Fine." he managed. The budget of the church had been cut on various portions, there was missing funds, some of them mind boggling, a good portion of it was just gone. Hux had mostly took care of the budget and he was very much Snoke's crony. The missing funds he knew, which should be going to charities, going back into the church, and so forth totalled much more then what she quoted, but it made far to much sense. 

"Let me guess, Bossman uses church funds?" Ben slowly rolled out from the green light. He flinched, and grit his teeth to prevent himself from voicing anything. 

"Where do you want to go to dinner." he forced out instead of commenting on what very much set him off his food. 

"You decide, I'm game for just about everything. Say for really spicy foods." he relaxed just a little, letting his shoulders slump and hands relax on the wheel. "Hey if it makes you feel better, I have an uncensored version of this." she touched the cope. "I also have a corset that has the breasts exposed." he coughed, hunching over the wheel as she giggled. "Nipple tassels too." 

"STOP THAT." he demanded to her as she cackled at him. His face felt hot and he hunched over the wheel again, he decided on someplace that was Italian, his favorite place. It was good for a budget and had large plates of food. 

"I can't help it, I like it when you blush. Besides, I'm supposed to tempt you too." Ben gaped to her, driving into the parking lot of 'Italian Chews' a humorous name that attracted curious people. Just like she promised she left the offensive cope behind as she exited, leaving him to bolt out with a frown. 

"What... what do you mean tempt me?" he asked her, he convinced himself he didn't look at her legs. At least a little bit she smiled to him sidling close to him. He froze as she leaned her back to him he finally got a good glance at the all the writing. It was from the bible, verses and quotes from some of the worst portions. From Jephita, around her neck to the murder of the first borns on the stole. 

"You said you want to turn me, I figured it was fair play to tempt you too." her body was warm and he shifted away from her stomping up to the restaurant as she giggled after him. She was going to tempt him? "Tempt me to what?" He stood in the front waiting for a waiter or waitress. 

"To MY form of 'religion' obviously there Ben." she used air quotes elbowing him lightly. He stared at her, blinking and shifting awkwardly. 

"I... I don't even... know how to do this..." he admitted. Rey smiled to him. 

"Obviously, but that's okay, its what makes you charming." He flushed again and thankfully the purple haired waitress pulled them into a small table with a wide grin on her face. 

"I'm... charming?" he asked her softly. Rey reached over and took one of his hands as the waitress poured some ice water into cups on their table. Settling down two menus in front of them. 

"Ho yeah, cute too." Ben yanked his hands back from hers staring down at the table. 

"Have...." he started then snapped his jaw shut with a grimace. She rose an eyebrow obviously tickled pink at him. "I'm guessing you've heard all the... stuff before." she nodded to him. "Well..." he sighed trying to come up with something anything. "The... bible is more of a guideline." he managed and grabbed the menu looking it over. "What do.. you want to eat?" 

"Lady and the tramp spaggetti?" she replied quickly resting her chin on her hand with a very cute smile. "I get to be the tramp." 

"Don't call yourself that!" he told her she blinked straightening. He flushed trying to reach for anything. 

"I get to call myself what I want to." she replied to him, the waitress came back smiling. 

"What can I get you?" she asked. 

"I'll... have my usual? With some of the spinach artichoke crostini?" she nodded to him and then looked to Rey. 

"What's his usual?" she asked, he felt his face flush again and took a long drink of water. 

"Oh he gets the lasagna with a side of arancini." Rey shrugged. 

"That sounds good to me!" The woman nodded jotting it down. 

"Wine?" she questioned. 

"I don't drink." Ben blinked settling the cup down. "Umm, do you got italian sodas? I'll take cherry!" she gave Him a sidelong smirk. The waitress giggled and he grimaced when she turned back to him. 

"Apple pie soda for you honey?" she asked him. He put his hands to his face. "Its what he usually asks for..." he heard the waitress remark to Rey. Rey giggled loudly lightly hitting the table with her hand. 

"Oh this is perfect." Rey commented as Ben lamented his dignity. If he actually had any at all to loose. "Yes, get him that!" The waitress excused herself leaving him and Rey alone again. "That is just too good." He dropped his hands, wishing for once to drink. Maybe an entire bottle of vodka. 

"Well I'm glad to make you so amused." he told her bitterly. 

"Don't be so upset, its just too good. I mean seriously... I didn't take you for a guy to watch American Pie." he didn't drop his hands. 

"Please, just drop it." he begged lightly. 

"Okay." Ben froze and slowly dropped his hands looking to her as she smiled to him. Rey shrugged as the sodas were delivered along with the crostinis. 

"Oh... um thank you." he took a sip of his drink swallowing thickly. His stomach didn't feel so cramped and upset, and he snagged one of the toasted bread pecies as she dragged a few onto a plate. He paused and frowned over the plate with a sigh.

"My my, Sister Maz would have smack your hands for that." he nearly dropped the bread. 

"Catholic school?" she shrugged. "How long?" 

"All my life, it was part of a orphanage. Run by Father Plutt." he swallowed again. Anything he could come up with in trying to challenge her was gone, vanished from his mind completely. 

"I've got nothing." he admitted to her shoving one of them into his mouth with a frown. She shook her head biting one in half dainty as any princess. Any thoughts of blessing the meal vanished in his head. 

"That's okay." she replied soothing as soon as she was done chewing and swallowing. "I mean you don't know much about me, I don't know much about you. So.." she paused to eat the other half. "Why made you want to join... THAT... church?" 

"My grandfather. He used to own it." he ate another one, taking a drink of his soda again. 

"Used to?" she asked he opened and closed his mouth. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Ben." 

"I want to." he admitted, and shocked himself more then just a little. He looked up to her, and she reached out to touch his hand. "He's sick... he got diagnosed with cancer this year... he's been refusing treatment because...." she squeezed his hand. "Since he can't do anything, Snoke has been taking over... I think I wanted to try to take charge, but... I... I have no rights there. They started it with each other." Rey nodded to him. 

"That sucks. Do you want to dash and visit him?" Ben blinked up to her. 

"No, its okay." he replied and she put her other hand in his. 

"Its okay if you want to visit him love." Ben felt a part of him melt down, as he hunched into himself. 

"He's going to die and there isn't... he wont do anything about it." he told her quietly. "He keeps saying god will heal him. He's lost... he lost his legs already..." it was really horrible, after spreading to the bones in his legs, he had stood and his bones just shattered as they failed to keep him upright. There was no way to actually repair the bones, they were too thin, crumbling almost. His doctors decided to amputate to prevent infection. He currently had a broken arm too that they were debating on taking as well. It was really just too late to even save him if he went into intense chemo therapy. Rey stood, moving towards him putting her hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry he's suffering. I know there is nothing I can do..." he looked up to her, it got stares he knew it got stares but he hugged her. Face pressing against her stomach, she tensed, but hugged him back. No one, not a single person ever said what she said. Knowing there is nothing they can do, not offering what would be false platitudes. "Can you box it up?" Rey asked jarring him out of what was going on. He let her go almost like she burned him but she still had her hands on his shoulders. He promised himself never to come back here ever again. People were staring at him. 

"ALL HAIL LUCIFER! ALL HAIL LE'VEY!" she called and everyone turned to her. "PRAISE SATAN!" he flushed as she took all the attention onto her and away from him. "I think that covers you." she told him. The waitress came back with some Styrofoam boxes, Rey took them, handing over a fifty, and held her hand out to him. He took it, allowing her to take him out of the restaurant in a daze. He felt a relief slumping into his car and staring at the roof almost to confused over the feeling to say anything. 

"Thank you." he told her in a whisper. 

"Come on, lets go visit grandpa Solo." Ben flinched cringing. "Or not." 

"I... can't....he... isn't... a Solo..." he told her. 

"Mom's dad?" he nodded, hands falling finally on the wheel. She settled the meals onto her lap. "Whelp, I've got nothing too. That was embarrassing for the both of us." he turned to her. "I don't like being out and out like that. I wear lots of makeup with my band meets. I've debated on wearing a mask but that could kinda go wrong." He breathed out the last of his nerves, buckling himself in not knowing exactly where to go. "Turn right." she told him, as he got into the main street. He followed her lead blindly. 

"You... are a... satanist?" he asked her. Of course she was, who else would do that sort of thing at a baptism? 

"I don't worship the devil. I'm a Le'veyian." he turned to her before focusing on the street again. "Theistic satanism literally worships the devil, I follow a set of ideas set forth by Anton Le'Vey. He did't WORSHIP the devil. He called it satanism because you know, edgy bastard." Ben chuckled it coming out and following further into a relieved laugh. She joined him as she pointed further out, they were heading to the outskirts of the city. They ended in chuckling. "Park here." he parked into a empty lot, closed off by a construction fence advertizing a coming series of apartments. He looked at her as she stared at the area. "Its only fair. You know the Fire that took out Saint Drogo?" she gestured to the empty lot. 

He remembered Snoke cackling over it, twelve kids dead, two nuns and four teachers. Snoke LAUGHED at the tragedy, he had heard it was arson, and that the people who were the cause were students there. He turned to her as she sighed leaning forward a little. She touched and rose part of the stole. "Do Not take revenge," she quoted. "My dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'it is mine to avenge; I will repay' so says the lord." he looked back to the lot. "We were kids, we saw monsters there and wanted to get rid of them. Me and Finn with a few others set the fire, and never expected it to get out of hand. We just wanted that bastards office destroyed. Only they fucked up the sprinkler system, and smoke alarms. I spent half my life here, and then the other half getting therapy and in juvvie." 

"I'm..." she turned to him. "I wish it were different." he amended quickly. She nodded. 

"Le'Veyianism told me what I did was both wrong and right. Take justice into my own hands when all else fails. Hold revenge in my heart, and stop injustice and make things fair." he breathed out staring at her. "I wish I never set that fire, we all do. No amount of so called forgiveness can really make me believe I don't deserve hell. So might as well dive in and live with it." He stayed silent, unable to really reply. "Well this sucks balls, lets go do something fucking stupid." Ben sputtered as she got out quickly. 

"STOP." he fought getting out as she skillfully hopped the fence. He stayed behind it, as she grabbed a rock, and threw it at a low metal building, his heart raced but it thudded against the side of the metal, creating a dent. Rey doubled backed. 

"START THE ENGINE!" she yelled at him, he scrambled for the car, starting it, unable to put his seatbelt on as she dived into the car, crushing the food to the floor as she got in. The tired squealed as he raced out and away as a few men ran out screaming at them. She giggled madly as he raced back into the city his heart racing wildly in his chest. After a few lights he finally calmed down feeling a smile on his face that actually ached. 

"Shit, I got to pay for the car wash too." she mumbled leaning back. 

"Its... its okay. I'll pay. You got dinner after all." she looked down at the mess around her shoes. "I'll get the bill for laundry too." he added. 

"Such a gentleman. Next time you throw the rock." she leaned back into the seat closing her eyes and shivering and swallowing. He shifted, stopping and buckling up. She just committed a crime and he was aiding and abetting. He hadn't felt like this since he was little with his dad. "You can drop me off at this one. I actually live above one." she pointed to one, he fumbled when he parked and she just slipped out, refusing. "Use it for the car wash, sorry about the food." he nodded to her. "I hope to see you again soon. If I don't get arrested.... again." 

"Goodbye..." he told her, she grinned to him and waved as she went into the empty 24 hour laundromat. He watched her as she headed to a locked back door, and then vanished in there. Swallowing he stared up at the second level until a light turned on, and he saw some movement above. She waved to him, and he waved back as he finally headed home. The cleaning can wait, right now he felt almost drunk. His hands shook in the aftermath shutting down the car with a shudder to his apartment and home. He turned and looked at her seat, the cope, cape, was still there and covered in the mess of the food. He swallowed down as he took it with him the least he could do was clean it, he had a washer and dryer, old as hell, but they worked. Under the smell of garlic and tomatoes was some perfume, smelling citrusy and light. Before he could even stop himself he took a breath in of it and then shoved it into the washer quickly. 

A cold shower later and he was in his bed staring up at a blank ceiling. He felt nervous, scared almost at what social media could be saying right now. What would happen with Snoke tomorrow? What was happening now? He turned, and forced himself to relax, failing for an hour to calm his racing mind. Giving up he took a sleeping pill and faded into sleep. 


	3. Let's Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is surprised by a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, did you think sex wasn't going to happen?

He felt her skin move under his hands she giggled kissing his cheek. "Watch those hands Priestman." she scolding, taking his hands in hers and placing them down to her bare hips. 

"Hey, who started this?" he asked and she grinned into the side of his neck. "If you don't like it, then you stop." she kissed him again hunching a little against him. 

"As if you want to stop me." she replied, moving against him with a sharp gasp that lingering into a low moan. A race of pleasure ran through him too, he breathed out harshly. She moved away just a little, kissing him, as he moved with her. He ran a hand across her hip, to the front of her stomach as she whimpered. Fondling her he increased the pace, as within just moments she came around him. It was enough to send him of the same tight edge as she slumped boneless on top of him. Sweaty and smelling like Earl Grey tea, citrusy and herbal. She mouth kisses into his shoulder distractedly as he ran a hand down her back. 

"She comes first." he whispered to her and she laughed. 

 

Ben woke up in a sweat that was no where near cold, he moved painfully aware of a reaction to his shower quickly running the cold water until it ached and almost burned him. He hadn't had a dirty dream in years and now it was shocking. After long moments in the cold shower he finally calmed down and shivered in the shower. Doing his daily routine in the cold he barely could manage shaving since his hands shook so much. He pressed the memory out of his mind, he had work to do, tomorrow was Sunday and there was going to be as much organized chaos as he could manage. He took a long drink of black coffee his stomach cramping painfully as a reaction. Finally the dream faded into obscurity in his head and he relaxed enough to grab his phone and look up social media. 

Nothing, there was absolutely nothing on what happened last night. Relief made him slump down and shiver not in the lingering cold but as muscles unclentched finally. He went through a few direct messages mostly just chat on various others of the church and its business. But one was from 'Lil Lilith' and he clicked on it. It was Rey, and from the various pictures she was the lead singer of the band he had just hired. She was in heavy make-up, making her have red skin, and a headband with a wig of red. The headband had horns on it along with eye contact lenses that made her eyes appear white. With black lipstick and long black fake nails she looked like anyone's interpretation of a demonness. Her clothes were a lot more risque then yesterday, just the corset without a blouse under it, showing off her strapless bra. With tight red leggings, and an even shorter skirt. He needed yet another cold shower after staring at the pictures of her. 

'I really hope this is my preistman, I thought we should share numbers, also I want my cape back' he blushed his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. 

'Yes, this is Ben. I washed it, it was covered in tomatoes and cheese' he replied. He needed to get said cape into the dryer, he went to it, and quickly changed it out, throwing his dirty clothes in, that mundane work helped him to calm down. His phone pinged, and he pulled it out. She sent a kissy face emoji at him, then a phone number. He swallowed, and saved it.

'Hello' he sent. 

'Hey there bby, want some nudes?' she replied, he coughed choking on spit. 'I'm just screwing with you don't get excited' she texted. He tried to text a few things, erased it, and tried again, at least three times. 

'The thing that shall not be named is in the dryer.' he finally replied. He could imagine her smile. 

'Thanks! Where do you want to meet?' he frowned at the phone. 'Oh, I'm at my therapist, she says I should help you with the social media stuff' He blinked to the phone. 

'What?' he replied,. The dryer made a dull ding sort of noise and he went to it, grabbing out the warm material and carefully folding it, the inside of it was a red velvet lining which he used to cover up the utter blasphemy and shove into a clean paper bag. 

'Come on, when do you work? I'll meet you at the church to help, anything to escape her asking me if I actually like you like you!' she sent a laughing face. 

'I'm going to be heading in now' 

'Oh thank god, you don't know the terror of your therapist telling you that actually liking people is a good thing and how you need to cultivate that like? Seriously, I like a lot of people!' he smiled to his phone as he went back to his car. The moment he opened it he was hit by the smell of the food, and winced. 

'Car is still a mess' he told her. She sent a wincing sort of face. 

'Well if you will trust me, I'll take it out to a cleaners. Finn owns Rebel Roadies.' he blinked to the phone again, before climbing in and holding onto the wheel. He put the paper bag behind him in the back seats where there was no trace of the mess. She sent a link to it, allowing him to see where it was. It was fairly far from the church, but he swallowed as he started the car. 

'See you at the church.' he replied simply. He breathed out as he drove towards it, he would have to keep this more professional. He wasn't going to joke with her, he couldn't do this. He might not be a priest, but he was a man of go-Ben's thoughts froze out when he saw her again. Pulling up next to her, she was wearing jeans, a loose shirt with a light blue jacket, the same leather purse from last night as well. She looked normal, or as normal as one can expect from a satanist. 

"Hey there, its a hundred bucks a night." she told him as he climbed out face red. 

"Will you, please, calm down?" he begged. She chuckled at him. 

"Oh come on, live a little Ben. Besides, you don't need to worry about that." he gaped to her confused. 

"WHAT?" she giggled. 

"I don't plan on having sex till marriage." she told him. "That doesn't mean I can't joke about sex." Ben straightened staring down at her as she moved past him to the car and looked in wincing. "Yep that's bad." He felt baffled, completely blank as she turned back to him. 

"How... how can you know anything I'm thinking of?" he asked her, she grinned to him. 

"Its written on your face, you got a really expressive face." She ran her hand over her face a few times as she spoke. "Unlike me, miss resting scowl." she grimaced almost glaring to him. 

"NO! You don't look-" he stopped himself. "You don't look like that at all." he told her. He desperately grabbed at something to change the subject. "Your therapist... wants you.. to help me?" he squeezed out. 

"Yeah, she told me awhile ago to find a decent priest, or religious person and latch onto them... when I got out of Juvvie for... that, I went to it again because I went out and vandalized several churches. I was put into therapy and a sort of in and out juvvie program until two years ago when I hit 18." she explained. "She says to be honest and get to the truth to stop lying to myself. She said that I'm still religious, but I'm denying it through satanism." 

"I don't think you are lying to yourself." he told her. She shrugged. "The bag, there, in there, backseat, its the... thing." she nodded to him looking in through the window. "Why.. why me? There are a lot of good people around." 

"I told you, you are honest and charming. Cute as a big teddy bear." she pointed to his chest walking close to him and looking up at him. "Plus, I think we can be friends." 

"JUST-" he bit out far to sharply. "Just friends. Nothing else. Nothing." he flushed red as she narrowed her eyes at him. He avoided looking at her clearing his throat and digging around for his keys and wallet. "How much for cleaning?" he asked weakly. 

"I don't know, depends on if you'll tell me what's eating you." Ben grit his teeth. "Its okay if you don't want to talk about it." 

"I-I am going to see my grandfather today." he blurted. Rey blinked and nodded. "Its... just... we were never very close, and once we were it was when he started declining in health." She nodded. 

"If you need me, I can go with you." she put her hand on his arm and gently squeezed. 

"Th-thank you. But I need to do this myself." she smiled to him, and nodded. 

"I'll be here if you do need me. The cleaning should be around seventy, I'll take it out and park it where it was last night." He swallowed again, unwinding the key from his keyring and handing it to her with all the cash he had, it just about totaled that. She reached out and touched his arm again before he could turn get to into the church. She gestured to one of the apartment buildings. "I live in that one, room B8. If you need me. I work there," she gestured to a automotive repair shop on the corner. "If I am not there, I'm at work, or doing a gig." He nodded to her. 

"Thank you." he told her she smiled to him. 

"Hey, I'm just following the good word." she replied with a short chuckle. "Besides, I'm a sap, you look like you need all the help. Don't let bossman hurt you too much." He bowed his head to her, heading inside the building. He fell into something of a happy daze that didn't actually decline as he did his daily business. Ben frowned when he started combing through the budget more thoroughly. 'Just parked the car, do you want help with your social media?' he took out his phone and smiled to the message. 

'Tomorrow, during the services, don't want you to do anything.' he replied wincing at himself. 

'Touche love, I'll be there bright and early. I've got the night shift then, so its all good!' he smiled to the phone. He didn't know exactly why, but he saved several documents detailing some things and sent them to his private email. It turned out that Snoke was using 'parish' laws to a fairly sizable home claiming it like a church, and therefor making it untaxed. The same thing with his limo and something that was even more expensive then that. He frowned at his screen finished up the last of his work more quickly then he ever had before. The bands were fine, the vendors were getting ready right now, and he could leave in peace. He checked his phone, Rey had sent a picture of the key in a small box under the bumper. 'Forgot about this, I put the key in a box here love' 

He shivered as he got to his car, it had that same citrusy smell in it and he realized she must work in that 'Rebel Roadies' place as well. It was a type of car scent, and he bathed in it as he got  his key and got in and headed for the hospital. If Snoke wanted to scream at him that he left early then he can argue why seeing his PARTNER and Ben's grandfather was wrong. As far as Ben knew, Snoke never ever visited even by proxy. He can live with the yelling of the old man because of that. 

* * *

 

The hospital wasn't actually that far from the church, from some of the windows you could actually see it. It was one of these rooms where his grandfather was housed in. He couldn't swallow anything anymore, nor really breath easily for himself, so he was in a breathing apparatus with a slow drip feeding tube, a few doctors were talking with his mom about maybe having to put in a tracheal tube or something he guessed from the gestures. She looked up to him when he moved towards the door and gave him a soft smile. She mimed sleeping, and he nodded quietly slipping into the room fully and shutting the private room's door as softly as he could manage. 

He didn't know if they decided on taking the arm but the withered body on the bed already looked dead. If it wasn't for the heart monitor beside him with as steady pulse as could be expected of him he could be. Grandpa Ani looked like a skinned apple that was dried out in the sun. Age spots and moles covered him, and he was almost completely wrinkled, several ulcers were on his bald head, not healing at all from even a week ago. He didn't just look worse from the last time he saw him, he was more then just a little convinced he was much much worse. Thankfully painkillers were something he was willing to take which eased some of his suffering. Leia, his mom settled down by him in a small sofa as he stared at his grandfather. 

"Doctors said that he has maybe a week left." she told him in a whisper. "He hasn't woken up for seventeen hours." Ben shuddered leaning forwards holding his hands wrapped in each other. She didn't even try to touch him. "We were discussing on taking him off the ventilator." He turned to her staring. 

"To kill him?" he demanded harshly. She stood, brushing herself off. 

"He's already dead Ben. He was ever since..." she paused taking a breath. "Ever since he became bedridden." Ben gaped to her, as she left. He turned to his grandfather or what was left of him. He walked to his side and stared down at the silent man, the only noise the two of their breathing. On human the other the steady mechanical breath. 

"Hey Grandpa. I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner." he told him. There was no reaction. "I think Snoke is abusing funds... I don't know what to do. The budget seems so tight, but it shouldn't be... I... please tell me what to do." he begged. Nothing, still nothing. The old man didn't even shift a little. Ben sighed in frustration he felt lost, and flinched when his phone went off. 

'How is grandpa?' asked him. He looked to his phone then back to his grandfather. 

"See you... I'm sorry again." he told the unmoving man, before slipping out and pressing his back to the door. A few nurses gave him a look as he pushed off and moved to the nearest bathroom. 

'He is in bad shape. My mom was there, said he hadn't woken up in almost a full day.' he told her hiding in a stall. 'I don't know what to do.' 

'Hmmm, my therapist would say, ask one of your past selves what they would do. Like what would the 14 year old you do?' he blinked at the phone. Probably punch someone, or run, deal with it horribly, and wrongly.

'I don't think that would work, I wasn't a good kid.' he told her. 

'Try fifty then?' he felt himself smile at the phone. Feeling his anxiety leave him. 'If he is in a coma, then can your mom sign off on treatments that can help him?' 

'There isn't much they can do I think, my mom said they were talking about' his finger convulsed on the send button. He sat down on the toilet putting his free hand to his face. 

'Is it the best for him? Would it stop him hurting?' she replied. He sighed out, and calmed himself. Heading out of the stall finally, he should make sure everything was ready for tomorrow. When he got back to his car he settled in and got his phone back out. 'you doing okay? you can call me you know' 

'I'm fine. Its just, odd to talk about someone who is, alive, but-' he stopped typing. 'I know he would want to die peacefully.' he added and sent it. 

'I don't know what to say Ben. I just hope you are okay.' he smiled at the phone again. 

'I'll see you tomorrow, what scent does the place use?' he asked and went back to the church. Parking out he checked his phone. 

'We didn't use a scent, I... uhh sprayed my perfume there, I didn't shower last night, sorry!' she explained. He dropped the phone, fumbling for it in weak fingers as it fell into the peddle well. 'My super shut off all the hot water, he wants to sell to someone to get us all to leave, or so I hear from the others' He got out, leaning in to grab his phone. 

'Who does he want to sell to?' he asked. 

'I don't know, some company he called Supremacy something' Ben frowned. Supremacy could be Snoke's more personal portion of the business, it was called 'Supremacy of Golden Faith' last time he checked. He looked around him, and knew why they'd want it. They were planning on trying to make the parking lot bigger, but Ben was thinking of refitting some of the lot they had into a garage for all the compact cars out there. Maybe buying the next door place to expand, but never going for apartments. Ben got into his office, and breathed out. 

"Its Snoke's, my bosses's, personal company' he texted back. 

'Ouch, well I'm glad I met you before I learned that! I might have hated you!' he sighed in relief. 'A friend will let me room with her, its not a big deal' she told him quickly. 

He remembered what she said, what would a different him do? What would the teenager him do? Try to destroy Snoke, take him down. Ask Han for help, probably not his mother, she wouldn't want the scandal. Ben went over the reports and found the deal, it was all being in the process. They couldn't finalize the thing until they got all the people out of the apartments. All he did was stop the process, allocating all the funds there for the charity they usually donated to. His hands shook from it, as he carefully crafted a post. 'Just donated to 'Friends of Faith' charity, please considering donating to them as well' he told social media. It was a good place, they used most of the proceeds only taking what they needed to pay their workers. 

Snoke was going to be more then furious, but it was too late now to go back. If Snoke took back the money HE would look like a monster. Not Ben, he wasn't going to allow the man to force himself to take it back. It might take a few days but Snoke would find out, and the sellers would have to seek someplace elsewhere. Regret didn't touch him just yet, it was wrong to move there, the people to the side of the church wanted to sell to them, forcing out tenants was wrong. He was sure Snoke was only doing it because of that reason. He probably didn't like the apartment buildings they were decades old, and looked it. Maybe it was because one had been converted to a small 'Saint Athwulf' catholic mission. A boarding house for traveling Catholic Missionaries, no wonder why he wanted them gone as well. He shivered, as he got back into his car hands clenching on the wheel. 

He might have just grand larceny he realized in a single moment. He mentally went through, and realized that no he didn't. The funds had come from the church, only going through Snoke's business as a proxy. It was within his duties to do this, he told himself. Starting the car and heading home for the night. 


	4. A heart disease Called love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben have a good chat.

Ben blinked as he found her waiting for him just before the main doors would open allowing people in. There were dozens of people waiting, well almost a hundred or more people. She chatted with an elderly couple with a smile. The older lady took a part of the drapery on Rey, his heart thudded a little. Imagining her as she talked with his parents laughing as his dad flushed. Today she had a long plush scarf that looked hand made and with gold and black frilly yarn. With a conservative button down blouse and a black skirt that went down to below her knees. Tights, and black shoes. A larger purse that may double as a bag as on her shoulder. She laughed at something the older man said just as he got up closer to them. 

"BEN SOLO!" the woman called to him before he could find a way to slink through the crowd unseen. He stalled turning around and straightening himself with what he hoped was a good smile. She was his great Aunt Beru, and her husband, Owen, they looked to him, then to Rey. 

"Hey Auntie..." he said lamely wished the earth would swallow him whole. 

"Ben! Why didn't you tell us you had a date!" 

"ITS-ITS-NOT A DATE!" Both Rey and Ben said quickly, Rey finishing just after him. The two laughed at them, Rey flushed and Ben felt completely blank as his cheeks went hot. "Its not, I am helping him!" she continued with a sigh of frustration. 

"Ben? I was just inviting her to our family dinner! Its been so long since you came! Since you two are a couple..." 

"We are not a couple." Ben told her firmly. She did not look convinced smiling behind her hand. Rey cleared her throat. 

"Yes well, I told them I was waiting for you, and now they are convinced we are married." Rey told him lowly. Owen laughed putting a hand to Beru, motioning to the doors which were now being opened. 

"No better place to meet then a church!" Owen told her. Rey flushed again and slid to his side whispering as the crowd moved around them. 

"I couldn't convince them we aren't... dating." she said and shook her head. 

"Well, you two... have fun." Beru said and waved as she left. All of his air left him in a whoosh as he slumped his shoulders and put a hand to his face. It wouldn't be long before his mother would find him and attack demanding why she wasn't told first. 

"Its... not like I have anything to bring." Rey said softly. Ben blinked to her dropping his hand. "Super shut off the gas now." 

"But I stop-" he put his hand to his face silencing himself. She gave him a look. "Come on, we need to talk." She nodded staring at him curiously. "What about the scarf?" he asked, guiding her into the church using his taller size to bulldoze his way through. She had a hand on his back trailing behind him in the hubbub. Christian rock on the speakers, just barely heard over the many voices of people. A good amount of tourists were pouring in, purchasing kitchy bible things. There was a shop they were passing that sold handmade printed bibles, fully customized to the family along with spaces for photographs. 

"I made it during juvvie. I like working with my hands, they had us working on cars and construction stuff too." she told him, he had to listen carefully as he guided her past a few guards, and to the stairs to the office level. "Jeeze. And still more people?" she asked once the level of noise went down. 

"Yes, it gets so loud I can hear it even with soundproofing." he told her as she came up along side him. 

"Why don't you work from home? I mean your job doesn't require you here right?" He took a breath and let it out. 

"Sno… my boss likes to keep us under his thumb." He opened the door with a key and held it open as she walked in. Rey flicked the light on and he slipped in shutting the door behind him. His heart was racing and his stomach churned in both hunger and anxiety. It wouldn't be long before Snoke found out what he did, if he was not waiting for his arrival already. "Here, I need to show you something." he settled down at his computer waking it up and quickly pulling up what he did. Rey watched it behind his shoulder leaning a little to close. 

"That... that is my apartment... This guy was buying it?" Ben made a noise, and she looked to him, pressing just a little closer so her chest was pressing just against one shoulder of his. He felt his chest tighten, but she was non the wiser to the action her eyes glued to the screen. "You..." she pulled back finally allowing him to breathe. "You canceled the sale?" 

"Yes... its... it is part of my duties. To allow transferring of funds. It was... waiting... to go through as soon as... he could get...." Ben dropped off breathing out harshly. 

"Get all us out." she finished for him. 

"I just want you to know, in case anything happens to me." he told her. He jumped when he felt her hand on his shoulder, his eyes were focused on the keyboard. 

"Ben." he slowly swiveled his head to her, his anxiety left him like he had been given a dose of medication. Her smile was wide, almost devious as she lightly touched his shoulder. "That is the sexiest thing a guy has ever done for me bar none." 

"I'm sorry, I really... just wanted to help you." he told her. Her arm moved around him, and she hugged him. His reaction to the intimacy was fast, and embarrassing. Clearing his throat he scooted the chair as far up as his chest allowed breaking contact with her curious stare. "Let's... let's get to work." his voice came out less strong then he liked it. 

"You really sit like that?" she asked him, and looked down, his face said everything. His face always said everything as he felt it go both red hot, and numb. 

"Please." he begged, as she went into a fit of high happy giggles. "I haven't been hugged for a long time." he admitted and put his hand to his face as she calmed herself. He berated himself, telling whatever rebellious portion of his mind and body decided to suddenly pop up yet again. 

"No no, don't get me wrong here Priestman, I take that as a compliment." His hands froze as he desperately began to pull up the browsers. He ogled towards her again with her smirk and lidded expression. "Here," she settled down on the edge of his desk, which was mostly empty. He wasn't going to put anything personal HERE, this was not a place for his life. "Let me tell you something embarrassing about myself." 

"You don't have it, its just..." he tried taking a few long breaths. It wasn't helping, neither was reciting verses in his head. 'Your faith was strong but you needed proof' his mind began traitorously. 'You saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you.' it came with the utterly obscene imagining of her from his dream. Naturally it didn't help at all. Rey however didn't seem to notice, or care that he was trying desperately to calm himself down. 

"So, I was dating Poe one of the band members you met him right?" she started when he went silent, pulling off the scarf and tossing it behind her to her bag. He nodded, head barely moving as he listened to her. He felt like he was focusing to intently on her. "We got to the point where he was introducing me to his parents so he had called them over, I thought he meant like eight PM. It was AM, so here I am, getting ready for the day as we lived together I come out, in nothing but my bra and panties..." she paused to look at him, a smile on her face as the blush strayed to his cheeks again. "I was about to say 'hey poe do you think a push-up bra is too much for your parents' but I went silent at 'hey Poe' because there they were, with breakfast from some restaurant, and drinking coffee." He smiled at her as she grinned to the memory looking away from him.

"What did-what did you do?" he asked her. 

"Well, I had breakfast, in my underwear like it was the most natural thing to do." he burst into a laugh and she joined him a moment later. 

"You really ate breakfast almost naked?" he asked her, at least now he was calmed, and he could safely move his chair back away from the desk, his chest nearly flush with the edge. She nodded to him. 

"Probably why Poe broke up with me, his parent's might be pretty open, but eating nearly naked isn't their thing." He blinked and nodded. "He still lives there though after I moved out, that's where I went when I had you take me to the laundromat. We are still friends you know." he smiled getting into the social media accounts of the church. "It was Rose that really got me into the Satanism thing, she and Finn the other guy, were dating and Finn jumped wholesale into it. Poe as well, but he is more of a punk." she moved punching his shoulder playfully. "Like you." 

"I don't have a mohawk anymore." he told her, and then slumped his body into the chair. Rey went into another peel of laughter as he rubbed his hands over his face. "It was a phase!" he defended himself. She was kicking her feet holding them above the floor as she hugged her stomach. 

"OH MY LORD." putting her hand to her face Rey looked giddy and happy. "You are a riot." He cleared his throat and straightened himself. 

"TO WORK." he demanded to her as seriously as he could manage gesturing to the computer. 

"Yes sir." she saluted, improperly, but he felt his shoulders slump in relief. "Show me what you do to post." he went through, pulling up a folder of images getting her frown. "You don't have a que?" she questioned and he felt blank. "Alrighty, change places." he bit his lip, but got up and thanked god that his traitor body was calmed as she settled down in his place. He stood behind her as she pulled out a few things, and as he watched. He told her what the wanted the captions to be, as she queued them up getting to a weeks worth of posts for various meme's, and images. "There, now if there are any major updates you just post them naturally." 

"Thanks," he rubbed his hand over the back of his head. 

"These are all really wholesome though..." she pretended to gag. "If you don't want people like me to meme back at you, embrace the meme. Use it to your advantage. The worst thing ever is to have someone be a part of the joke." she told him. 

"Embrace it?" he replied. 

"Yeah, like instead of justifying or explaining things, just go along with the joke reply, making your own reply in meme form." 

"Okay, I'll try to remember." she stood up and stretched, joints popping a little. 

"Do you need a shower?" he asked suddenly, so sudden she just blinked to him frozen as she was stretching her arms in front of her. 

"What are you offering?" she asked back, smugly as he threw himself into his office chair pure abject despair entering him. She was touching the collar of her shirt as if to unbutton it. "I haven't even done a blow job-"

"REY." he warned and she giggled. "Kill me." he said lowly and then tensed in pure mortification. 

"Nope, you're stuck with me." she settled back down on the edge of the desk. 

"I- I meat-you can- come-you-" he gave up trying to talk. Instead just hoped that he could just die right then and there. 

"I know what you mean sweetheart." He looked up to her. "You were offering to let me use the shower at your place." she kicked out her foot gently touching the side of his leg with her toe. "I just wanted to tease you. You are divine." his face numb again as he gaped to her. The words soothed something inside of him, like a wound finally closed, scab fallen off. "If you are offering, then sure. Anything to keep from walking in on another orgy." 

"You-you can't be serious!" he sputtered. And from her rather more adroit smile and stance he knew she wasn't. "Lord help me." he begged. Less in despair and more desperate, he felt almost like he was searching for a reason to react negatively. 

"Nope, sadly, that's just gross. A girl can only take so much you know." he put his hands on the arms of the chair. 

"Look, I... I think, Jesus... is the lord." her smile fell and he felt sick with himself. "Like I said, the bible it's... more of a guideline. The worst part is to follow it directly." 

"How gnostic of you." she replied. He grimaced and continued, but she wasn't leaving waiting patiently.

"Most of the time people just don't like being told, you need to believe, you need to love, it goes against human nature to do these things, to allow someone else in control of their life. You need to abandon the want for controlling every aspect of your life and trust that God, and Jesus have a plan for you. That they will do right by... you." he felt ashamed of himself and he wasn't entirely sure why anymore. "To follow scripture to closely is... wrong. You just need to worship. Follow the lord and show him love." he finished not even looking at her feet. 

"Done?" she asked him. He nodded swallowing thickly. "I think you are closer to my side then you think." he flinched but still didn't look to her. "Ever see the movie Dogma?" 

"Yes, of course I have." he told her looking at her shoes. 

"Well do you remember what Chris Rock said?" he finally looked to her face in confusion. "He said its better to have an IDEA of faith, instead of belief. People kill for belief, people die for belief. An idea can change, they change all the time, but a belief is like a live wire. The current can hurt a lot of people, and encounter resistance the more you put into it." he felt less ashamed of himself, Rey was smiling to him. "A wire can only take so much before it burns out, before it catches on fire." she winced. "That's the problem people face, is that they take that wire, even when it shocks them, even when it hurts them, and continue to hold on. You can let it go at anytime.... well not with a REAL live wire, but you get my meaning right?" he nodded.

"You... you think I'm hurting myself?" he asked her. 

"Do YOU think you are hurting yourself?" she retorted; he went blank. "The reason why I really like LeVey is because part of the teaching is because it is for the responsibility of the person. A lot of preachers," she gave him a look. "tell you its not YOUR fault, its Satan's fault. Its a demons fault for the evil. Taking what I did and making myself responsible for it has helped more then blame Satan for all my ills." he swallowed again staring away from her. "Whether or not I repent for the matter is a whole another deal." she added in nearly a whisper. 

"You don't... you don't need to repent." he replied weakly. "Just ask...." he couldn't finish. 

"For forgiveness." she finished for him. "God forgives Ben, but forgiving yourself for your crimes, your sins," she counted out with her hands. "Your actions, excreta, is a whole other matter to deal with." she dropped her hands to clasp on the edge of the desk. "Do you really think though that people like serial killers DESERVE to be forgiven? That is why I don't like this whole deal." she gestured around them. "They don't."

"its... Its not a matter if they do or not. Its god's judgement!" he replied quickly, and a bit loudly and flinched at himself for the outburst. "Its a... human, thing to say they don't. God decides, not us."

"Then why do you say you are forgiven?" she asked back. His eyes went to hers. "you don't know, and wont ever know. You can FEEL like you know, but that is all human right?" she didn't give him a chance to reply. "God can forgive murders, but in the end, its a mystery as to whether or not he does. NO one can know, and no one should preach that they KNOW they are forgiven, or that they can be forgiven. They ASK, and only ASK, to say for utter certainty is a very, HUMAN thing to do."

"We... we are human." he tried to defend. "Gods... children."

"That's not what I mean, the bible is all about how FLAWED we are is what I mean. Do you think that the bible is the for sure way?"

"Of... yes..." he winced.

"What if it wasn't? What if it was a lie made up mostly by people who just want power over the populace? You can't deny its done that, and STILL DOES that."

"The... the greatest trick the devil pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist." he defended weakly. She chuckled, and reached out touching his shoulder.

"I think the greatest trick he pulled was to write a book, and call it scripture." he blinked at her, blank again. "But that is just me." she pulled back and yawned. "Hmm... can I really go to the potluck?" he subject change was jarring, and left him reeling a bit. 

"Yes? Of course, I can take you." she nodded to him a strange sort of fond smile taking her lips. He felt his heart thud in his chest as he remembered she was an orphan. "My oven works great, I have flour and sugar..." he replied lowly. 

"Thanks Ben," she held her hand out to him and he took it in a weak grip. "I think your problem is that you think you belong here." 

"I DO BELONG!" she flinched with the more loud, and far more sudden outburst that had him standing over her. He backed away a moment later. "I Do. This. Is my place." 

"Hey, it's okay, if you want to be here I'm not about to try to move you." he settled his weight from foot to foot. "You just don't seem happy here." She stood up looking up at him, she stood up on her tip toes, and kissed his cheek. He didn't dare move, he didn't dare to react. "I'd like you to be happy." His face went red. 

"Oh... fuck me..." he mumbled, his mind whirled around in a confusing mess. 

"I will, eventually." His reaction was to blank just as he was about to try to push her away from him. Hands stalling at her chest height, she looked from them to his face with a bright grin. He dropped his hands, putting them in his pockets. 

"WHAT?, wait, what, what?" She giggled, tapping his shoulder. 

"Because we are dating, and I've completely rethought the whole, no sex before marriage deal. Count yourself lucky Preistman, I'm a sinner for you." She backed away making a fonsy pose to him. 

"We are not... NOT dating." he countered. 

"We are too." 

"DO I get a say?!" he held out his hands to her. 

"Don't you want to date me?" she asked back. He dropped his hands again. 

"Yes." he admitted. "I do." 

"Well then its official. We're dating." She giggled again, happily. The last of the shame left him, she didn't seem to feel too horrible that he had tried to preach at her. Unsuccessfully, but still, he was a relief she wasn't just running off. Choosing instead to stay near him. A knock on the door however killed whatever relief cooled him, as one of Snoke's aids opened it. The young man looked grim as he stood clearing his throat. 

"He wishes to speak with you." Ben straightened up, back going rigid. "NOT you Ben." Rey blinked she looked from Ben to the aid. 

"Who know?" she asked the aid went red face flushing. It was one of the first reactions he had seen in them. 

"SNOKE!" Rey arched a brow, and held her hands up to her shoulders. 

"Never heard of him." the aid went slack in shock. "Besides I'm busy trying to get Mr. Solo here to fuck me on the desk. So shoo." she made a shooing motion. The aid looked as blank as Ben felt. He was glad for the threat of Snoke's ire, otherwise his reaction would have ben even worse. 

"Excuse me?" the aid demanded. 

"You are excused." Rey reached out and shut the door in his face. The utter dismal is what powered him down, Ben put both his hands into his face and shook. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked him, he felt her hand on his shoulder. 

"You, you don't DENY him anything. He's... he's the... Jesus Christ, there is nothing he doesn't get." he felt mortified, just how would the old man react? What would happen? It left him feeling weak, and feeling scared. 

"Spoiled brat." she said. He let his hands fall blanking out and staring at her.

"DO NOT call him that to his face." he told her. She gave him another look. "He could HURT you." his voice was soft and his eyes went wide as he realized what he might have just admitted. It wasn't talked about, he wasn't even sure if it was being done, but he wasn't stupid. If Snoke felt safe enough in his words then how safe was he in abusing his power to hurt others? 

"If he hits me I can press charges," she told him simply. "But come on." She held her hand to him. He could FEEL the start of the services below him in the church. "Lets get out of here." There was another knock and he flinched. 

"Where... where can I even go?" 

"To see your grandpa, if this Snoke wants to comment on THAT then obviously he doesn't give two shits about his partner then right? Oh... sorry for swearing." He let out a breath, and let her take his hand. She grabbed her things as she led him to the door opening it to two more tall guards. "Hello buddies, we're leaving." One of them moved, almost to block them. "IF you block me from leaving I will press charges." he backed away as if she burned him." they walked away, unburdened by the aids following them out. 

"I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail..." he lamented. 

"Well so am I, since I'm being complicit with it." Ben let her lead him outside, where the noise was a dull roar. The entire lot was full, with a few late stragglers making their way to the church from the furthest portions of the lot. He shook in nerves, until they both stalled at his car, wedged between two large trucks. He stared into the vehicle, he should be in there. He should be attending mass, no matter how much it made him feel sick. "Are you okay?" she asked him, he opened the door, unlocking hers as they climbed in.

"I'm fine." he told her. 

"You should stand up to this guy more." he looked to her hands on the wheel. "But, I don't think I thanked you for trying to help." 

"Its nothing. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, we should be building a car... tall thingie." he replied getting her giggle. 

"They are called multistorey car parks." he nodded starting the car and pulling out from the church. A small part of him hoped it would be the last time, though he knew it wasn't going to be. He was going to have to deal with the fallout of Snoke's Ire of Rey's denial of seeing him. If only to prevent himself from loosing everything he had gained, he looked to Rey, wincing. He would loose everything, he knew he would. He wasn't ever meant to be happy, her hand took his at the stop light, he didn't even know he was shaking until his hand stilled with hers. 

"Hey, listen," she said. "Everything will be okay... well not really, but the best we can do is live in the now." he nodded to her. Squeezing her hand back before heading to the hospital. He shouldn't even be thinking if his grandfather would be dead or not before he got there, but he did, and felt ashamed that he felt a sort of relief at that. If his grandfather was dead... maybe he wouldn't HAVE to feel like he needed to be THERE. 


	5. Sledgehammer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets Grandpa Ani, and Ben meets Rose.

He wasn't sure if he really wanted to take her to see his grandfather, but as he pulled up into the hospital he noticed a truly utterly familiar van. Pulling up next to it Rey glanced at it as Ben just stared. It was long, and had a imagine of a girl riding a falcon with the words 'millennium falcon' under it. Firework's were blasting off and at one point he remembered the girl being topless, which is mom hated. The painted bikini top on her was long since faded, and repainted over and over again. A pair of gold dice sat on the mirror and the interior was a decayed sort of posh, and he hated it. He hated how much he remembered trying to sleep in the back bed while his parents argued in the front. He remembered just how much he prayed that his parents never got a divorce. "Ben, are you okay?" Rey asked she had come around to his side as he stared blankly at the van. 

"My... dad is here." he stated. He was supposed to be on tour, he was supposed to be milking his late fame like he never milked a the cash cow of success before. 

"That's a piece of garbage." he turned to her blinking as she bend down looking at the tires. "Needs new tires, and looks like it needs new shocks too. If it has any." he gaped to her as she took a glance at the front and back. "The back bumper is tied in with speaker wire." He let out a breath and smiled to her. 

"Yeah, it...I don't know." he tried and she chuckled. "he's supposed to be touring." 

"So I heard from Poe and Finn," she nodded towards the hospital. "Are you ready?" He blinked and nodded, slowly edging away from the van. He nearly tripped over himself when he found another familiar car in one of the handicap spots. Rey stalled looking at him, a dread premonition entered him. Just like his dad, his Uncle never changed cars. He didn't know the type but it was small and had a convertible top, a candy sort of orange color the top was fully up at the moment and had a handicap sticker, license plate, and one in the driver mirror. 

"Uncle?" he questioned, feeling to shocked to actually consider the reason why he could be here. Rey looked from him to the car and held out her hand to him. 

"We don't have to go in." she told him quietly. He grimaced, but walked in taking her hand for the sole source of solace it was. It seemed to take hours, days even to get to his grandfathers floor. Rey squeezed his hand as he stared at the small grouping of his family. They were talking to a doctor who was motioning to a small room off the side, and he went to his grandfathers room rather then deal with what they had to say. He only noted they all looked to him before he was inside the very quiet room dragging Rey with him. Still, there was solely the sound of breathing, just that as he shut the door behind him and leaned against it. 

"Ben? Are you okay?" Rey asked, he took a breath in steadying himself. He nodded and slowly approached the bed, they still had him on a ventilator, and currently there was a newer feeding tube in him. Ben let out his breath, and sat down by the bed looking to the silent creature on it. The silent person, he corrected himself. "This grandpa?" she asked. 

"His name is Anakin." he told her. She nodded and smiled towards him. The breathing of the machine keeping him alive helped him to stop himself from hyperventilating. His Uncle, his father, they were here solely because they were going to kill him. 

"Hey there sir, its nice to meet you." Rey said quietly going next to the bed. "Its a bit late to meet you, I'm Rey." she touched her chest. "I'm newly dating your grandson, and so far as I've seen," she looked up to him and grinned. "It looks good to me. I really do wish I could have met you before sir." She settled on the other side of his grandfather and gently touched his limp wrinkled hand. "Just between you and me," she leaned in and whispered in his ear. "I think he might be the one." 

He took a long breath in that was quickly exhaled when there was a knock, and his Uncle opened the door. He motioned to Ben out, barely glancing to Rey. "Ben, I think you should get a say. We were about to call you..." He stood up and stared down trying to stop himself from dealing with anything, any emotion, as he followed his uncle to the door. He only froze at the door looking to Rey. 

"Uhh…" she began but Luke waved. 

"I'll stay here," Luke told him. He was staring at Rey, she nodded to him, and he slipped out as Luke slipped into the room. His feet stumbled as he went to his father and mother, he spotted the both of them through the blinds of the room, slipping inside with a few looks. They all looked grim, but the doctor more so. 

"Ben, do you remember what I said the other day?" his mother asked him. He wish he didn't. 

"Yes." 

Han tried to reach out to him and he took a step away from his dad, he dropped his hand down and looked to the doctor. 

"Ben," the doctor began. "We believe the best way to help your grandfather is... is to take him off the ventilator. Soon, he might require a machine to keep his heart pumping. Its already starting to fail." he stared at the doctor. 

"What do you want me to say?" he asked the three. "That I want him to die?" 

"Ben, that's not what we mean." His mother replied. He looked to her. 

"Why do you want me to have a say if you've already decided?!" he demanded harsh enough to probably get everyone to look at him from the window. 

"I choose to do what we can to keep him alive." she told him. He blinked to her and felt his body slump, hunching his shoulders. "Luke wanted it to." she explained lightly. "But we all decided since you knew him better then the both of us... then you are the one to make the final decision." He nearly fell down into a nearby chair, the doctor frowned. 

"I can get someone to come in if you want to sir." he said. Ben took a shaky breath in. 

"No, I'm fine." Ben stated. "Its fine." His mind raced to fast for him to even really comprehend much. "He... he would want to die peacefully." he felt like it sounded barely above a whisper. Leia nodded, and he stared down at his feet. He was killing his grandfather, he was telling them to kill him. It felt disgusting and it felt like the most wrong thing he'd ever said in his life. 

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." she told him, and he stared at her. 

"You're giving me the choice but are taking it away?" he demanded, Leia sighed. 

"That's not what I mean Ben." he grimaced looking away. "I mean that you don't have to make this choice if you don't want to." He let out a breath and put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry if this is a lot right now." 

"Its... mom I... I didn't even know him." she sat down by him but didn't touch him. "I just knew... I only met him when he reached out to all of us." 

"I know, I know Ben." she reached out and touched his shoulder and he shouldn't flinch but he did. She drew back standing back up and settling back away from him. "Its a lot to take in, there... is time to wait." she told him. "Let it sink in okay?" he already had in sunk in him, sunk so deep he felt like he was drowning. But he nodded and left the room without ever talking or really looking at his father. "Ben?" Leia called, but he ignored her too as he went back towards his grandfathers room and stalled as he found Rey and Luke talking on a small bench in the main room. 

It was such an odd sight he felt like his brain rebooted, taking him out of drowning and placed shivering outside on the bank without a warm towel. "Ben?" Rey moved fast towards him and touched his arm. "You're not okay." He could feel eyes boring into him, and opened his mouth to say something, anything, but couldn't. She was right, and it felt like a warmth spread through him. "I'm sorry if you didn't want to come by." 

"No. I needed to." he told her, Luke stood up. "I... I said they... should take him off the machines." She drew her hand down into his as he shook, gently tugging him out. She waved to Luke, and he let her pull him out of the blank smelling hospital. Hitting fresh air made him realize he had been silent for the entire time, he wasn't even sure if she had been talking to him. 

"Maybe... talking about how you met your grandpa will be good?" she asked him. He blinked, and shook himself mentally. 

"He... had just been diagnosed with cancer, terminal, and started to reach out to his family. Him and my grandma... well they didn't divorce but she left him." she nodded to him, as he moved out to one of the metal benches outside. There was a tall smokers bucket by it. "He... he wasn't very good to her, or nice from what he told me. My mom said he was abusive." her eyes were wide. "He tried to choke her, she hit him with a frying pan and ran out, never to return." 

"That's a bomb ass thing to do." he smiled. 

"She was very brave. He... tried to reach out to her before all... this, but she always refused. Refused until she died when... my mom and uncle were... twelve I think." she nodded and felt good that he could talk about it with anyone. "He stopped trying to reach out and I think that is when he started the church stuff, trying again to do better. He told me that he knew he was a horrible person, and he had to be a better man. So he started a church to help people." 

"Did he ever go to a therapist or something?" she asked he shook his head. 

"Not that I know, but he when he got diagnosed he found, and set messages to... all of us, asking for forgiveness and telling us all he was dying. I was... the only one in the area until my mom moved here. I was the first one to respond and we talked, we talked a lot. He told me he always wanted his kids to follow in his footsteps... well the good ones. And how he... wanted someone he trusted to help the church grow more. He was very proud of it." he let out a breath holding his hands in front of him. Her hand was over his shoulders hugging him. "He... I helped him write his will even. He... wanted Luke to... well be there, but Luke... he didn't want to do that. So...it fell...." 

"Fell to you to try to help, to try to take his place in the church." she finished for him. He looked to her and nodded. "Thanks for telling me." she added. 

"Yeah..." he let out a breath. "He wouldn't want to drive people from their homes, I know he wouldn't. He... didn't exactly AGREE with Snoke, but he didn't want to fight to hard against him because Snoke helped so much... He said it felt like betraying the church by trying to do that." 

"I understand that." something in him relaxed and he felt better. The horror of the situation of being an instrument in his grandfathers death eased a little out. "But if Snoke betrayed it first..." she held out her free hand and he straightened. "then that is another matter." 

"I... Snoke is probably wanting to use what I did to... do something." she nodded. "Probably force me to stay... however long he wants and maybe do something bad... worse."

"Like what?" he grimaced. 

"I heard rumors when I was one of his aids that he'd have his more... personal aids hit the others for..." she drew away from him and he stopped. 

"I um..." she bit her lip. "Ben... that... that is what was happening in Saint Drogos." she told him softly. "Unkar never actually hit anyone, but he commanded the older students to punish all us younger kids. Sister Maz didn't know what she could do, she was old, and had so many voices against her. She did what she could, she wasn't that mean, just very on about manners..." He took her hand. "She said to us after one... beating, that she wished he would burn in hell. She blamed herself for the fire till she died." 

"Rey, I... don't know what to say." he winced. 

"Good, neither do I." she looked up at the sky. He frowned and stayed silent with her for what felt like an hour. "I'm really glad to be here though." she turned to him and gave a sad smile. 

"I'm glad you're here too." her smile turned to a grin. "I mean, I'm a mess, and all that shit." 

"Oh please, I'm a bigger mess, but hey there... please watch your fucking language this is a hospital." he flushed, and felt a laugh come out of him. It felt insane, and it felt wonderful at the same time. 

"I shouldn't be laughing..." he gasped in and she shrugged. 

"No one has ever said that you can't find a little bit of joy in shitty times." she replied and took his hand and held it. He leaned back forward and tried to put his hand to his face but ended up dragging her hand along with it and stalled just as he awkwardly patted his face with the back of her hand. She giggled, and leaned into him hitting his side with her elbow. "That's MY hand." she scolded. 

"Sorry." he replied but didn't let go of her hand. He blinked and turned as a few groups were going in and out of the hospital, one of which was Luke. A sort of panic took him, and he dragged her back to his car. Finally he let go of her hand as she gave him a look, "Sorry... again." he added. 

"Its fine, come on, lets go get me some clothes so I can steal your shower." she grinned to him leaning over the top of the car. Like a gangster he thought, or trying to be one. 

* * *

 

When he got into what was a Satanists apartment he didn't exactly expect it to be normal. He almost expected black everything, upside down crosses and more satanic imagery then one could ever bare. But it was mostly, normal, if gothic. Low tan couches that looked like they had been there since the apartments had been constructed, covered in black blankets, and crochet pillows. A small desk area held a few books as a older desktop that was probably ten years old. The kitchen was closed off with half walls and sliding pocket doors. Right now there was a smaller, a little plump, Asian lady cooking on a small hot plate near a gas stove. Part of him felt like someone kicked him in the stomach, "ROSE! I'm here and queer get your butt out here!" 

"I know for damn sure your ass is smaller then mine!" she called back, letting whatever it was she was cooking to linger and come around. "OH... hi." she blinked to him and he put his hands in his pockets. 

"This is Ben, play nice while I get all my best corset!" Rey left him to head into a small hall and into one of the rooms there. 'Rose' just stared at him and it felt like she was judging him. 

"Hello." he tried. She motioned towards the kitchen and he followed her. 

"You're Ben?" she asked him and he gave her a confused stare. "Jeeze I thought you like have a tie or something, maybe like a preacher hat." 

"Excuse me?" she was making mac'n'cheese and it was baffling to him. 

"She's crazy about you." He gaped at her as she stirred the mix of noodles, adding in bits of cut up hot dog pieces. 

"What?" 

"Rey? That first day she was like... crazy. I've never seen her like that. She was... practically beaming. It was a little scary in fact." He was boring holes into Rose. 

"What do you mean?" Rose sighed and finished up adding hot dogs. 

"Rey is very much a 'you can look but can't touch' lady. I used to think she got off on it, or was ace." he pulled out a old ladder back chair and settled into it, the back wavered as he tried to lean back, obviously loose, and falling apart. 

"She told me she dated... Poe." he told her. Rose snorted and shook her head. 

"Yeah, and she walked out in her bra and undies to his mom and dad. THAT freaked Poe out a lot. But not as much as when he tried to kiss her and she slapped him." Ben gaped to her and she shrugged at him. 

"Wait... she slapped him? Why?" 

"Like I said, 'you can look, but you can't touch' is kinda who she is. When you came along," she pointed the end of a wooden spoon at him. "It was like suddenly she let that go." 

"Why... why would... that happen?" Rose looked up thinking. 

"Probably because of Juvvie, when you are thrown in with every kind of kid, and every kind of person you learn to fight first." he blinked and nodded. "Poe didn't really want to break up though..." Ben stared at her. "After she slapped him she panicked, and ran for a week. We all thought she skipped town until she came back like nothing had happened. THAT really freaked Poe out and he dumped her. It was like she only came back because they were recruiting for the band." 

"She vanished? I don't understand." Rose shrugged. 

"Yeah, she was living on the street, did she tell you that she's in therapy because she went a little ape shit over them tearing down Drogo's?" Ben shook his head. "Then all of sudden you came in, and kinda creepy how she GUSHED about you." Ben fell silent staring at her as she dumped the mix, into a sink, steam coming up over here. 

"Creepy... how?" Rose cleared her throat turning to him. 

"OH my god," her impression of Rey was more british then her real voice. "You should see the guy Rose he is like, fuck, there are these like moles on his neck and he isn't wearing a tie and he's like huge. I just want to know if he has more moles and his butt? I think it made a sound effect when he turned!" Ben felt his cheeks go red as Rose talked. "He's so tall and cute, and like heck his hair is just long enough to get a handful of, and like he's big puppy and like his ears turned pink when he blushed." 

"My... ears?" he asked swallowing. Rose chuckled stopping. 

"Yeah, before the first date she took like, two hours getting ready." He flushed and watched as Rose dumped the pasta mix back into the pot and grabbed milk from the fridge. "It was weird to see her do that, then after? She kept gushing, and gushing and gushing. She kept me up till three in the morning gushing about you. She is crazy, crazy about you." she pointed to him. 

"I... why me?" Rose gave him a weird look. 

"Couldn't tell you, but I'd say she just found the type of person she really likes and you hit her like a train. You still trying to convert her?" He blinked and shook his head. 

"She... wants to meet my family." he told Rose. 

"Sounds like her, she got into trouble for breaking into a wedding and mooching off the food set up once." Ben let out a breath almost laughing. Rose added the cheese power, butter from a covered plate the poured in milk, stirring the entire thing up. He sighed, some relief filling him, and he wasn't sure if it was a good feeling or not. "If I were in your position?" he looked back to Rose. 

"Yes?" 

"I'd run, to be honest I'd run. I've never seen her like this and its really creepy." he frowned at her. 

"Why creepy?" Rose shook her head. 

"She NEVER talked about Poe, NEVER. I had to learn when she got into trouble for vandalizing the machines knocking down Drogo's what happened there. She NEVER talks about anything, ever, about herself." 

"She... told me about that... stuff." he replied. 

"Yeah, and that is scary and creepy. Its like..." Rose dropped off. "Its like she's a whole other person then the one I knew." Ben went silent thinking. Maybe it wasn't just she was another person, but, he frowned thinking. 

"Maybe she... trusts me?" Rose stopped like he had just slapped her. Then looked up and gave him a blank stare. 

"Holy shit. I've never thought about that." Rose shook her head, putting a hand to her face. "Maybe less creepy, and more like, 'what the fuck did you do to get her to trust you?'" he shrugged. 

"I hope you're telling him all the bad things!" Rey called, and he turned and watched as she walked into the kitchen. She was still wearing the same clothes, but held a small duffle on her shoulder, placing it on the table in front of him. 

"I'm telling him how you walk around naked at night sleep walking." Rey laughed at Rose and grinned to him. 

"Well that's good, next time I'll sleep at your place so you can see that!" he shifted in his seat covering his face. "I need to borrow some stuff, I have to make cookies or something for his family dinner." Rose nodded, shutting off the hot plate and just started eating the mac'n'cheese from the stirring spoon. Rey pulled out a small vial as he waited, it was vanilla flavoring, and then dumped a small baking sheet that had little cat paw cookie cutters on it. "Are you sure you have flour and sugar?" she asked him shoving in a can of baking powder and zipping up the now more awkwardly shaped duffle. 

"Yes, are you ready then?" She nodded. 

"See you Rose!" Rey called to her hiking the duffle onto her shoulder. Rose waved blindly. 

"Nice to meet you... Rose." Ben told her, she gave him an odd look before Rey twined her arm in his leading him outside. There was still the lingering conversation with Rose making him pause. "You... do you trust me?" he asked her and she snorted. 

"Yes, why wouldn't I? I mean I've been trying to get in your pants for like... YEARS and you still haven't jumped my bones? Seriously, I need a new nickname for you, why can't you be a horny priest?" she chuckled, and got in putting the duffle with a little care into the backseat with a grin, he followed in. Feeling a soothing feeling inside of him. "Why ask the obvious?" 

"Rose said you were crazy." he told her and she rolled her eyes. "She said you like..." he paused swallowing. "My moles..." the last bit came out quiet almost unsure. 

"Priestman, if you have moles on your butt I want to SEE them." she told him and made grabby hands in front of her. "Touch them, GROPE them." he flushed and she giggled at him. 

"Not.... not while I'm driving." he replied. 

"OH boo, your no fun!" he burst into a laugh with her, feeling far better then he ever remembered feeling. 


End file.
